Belonging is about knowing you fit in and that you have found a place that reflects you and gives your life added meaning.  It is not about being a member of a club, or being connected to a group of similar people, though these are fertile grounds for belonging.  The belonging we are talking about is being valued and accepted for who you are and being valued and appreciated for your gifts, strengths and contributions.  It is about belonging to something bigger than yourself and it comes from living an ordinary life that makes sense to you and those around you.

We are relational beings and feeling that you really belong is the epitome of the Good Life.  Belonging connects you with people who share your interests and passions and it is fertile ground for deepening and strengthening relationships.  It is far more than just being present and it is not something that can be manufactured.

The reality of many people with disability is one of isolation.  By living, working and studying in ways that are separate to the rest of the community, people with disability live lives that are different and often unrecognisable to everyone else.   This undermines belonging and makes it harder to access  the benefits of being valued and belonging – the very things that make up the Good Life.

In this section we aim to counteract this by exploring the different ways we belong and gain acceptance in our communities and how this is enriched by valued contributions.   These insights are vitally important when we are considering the Good Life for anybody at risk of marginalisation and this is why it is at the heart of bringing the Good Life to Life for a person with disability.

This section explores how positive and meaningful relationships are at the heart of the Good Life.   These relationships connect us to the world, we learn and grow through them and they provide us with opportunities to love and be loved.   They can range from a friendly barista that knows how you like your coffee or someone you play sport with, through to an intimate partner or friend who calls you for advice and support because they value your opinion.

Whilst some relationships are more intimate than others, having a broad network of relationships make our lives richer, easier and more satisfying.  We identify ourselves by the culture and interests of our friends; we learn from our friends, they care about us and we care about them and they keep us safe and they support us in ways only friends can – and in a way no paid support ever can.

It may seem obvious how fundamental the need for friendship and connection is, and one could ask why we even need to talk about this. The stark reality is that many people with disabilities are lonely.  For some, the only people who really know and appreciate them are family members. Others have no one in their life who is not there in a paid capacity. Sometimes families are isolated too.  All of these experiences have formed our way of thinking so that now, people can be living near us yet invisible to us. They can be seen as more different than the same.

This is why, when thinking about how to bring the Good Life to life for a person with disability, positive, meaningful and freely given relationships are key – it is simply not possible to live a good life without them.   See below for links to more insights and practical strategies about how we develop relationships within our communities.

If asked to name ‘the good things of life’ we might be tempted to list the glamorous and exotic but for most of us the fabric of the good life is lived out more in the typical and ordinary – growing up at home; going to the local school; getting a job; moving out and establishing a home of our own; finding a partner; having friends.  When enough of these pieces come together we can begin to feel we have ‘found our place’ in life.

It is because of this consensus that a common framework used for crafting a good life for people with disability is to think about ‘ordinary’ or ‘typical’ lives – a life like anyone else’s.  This helps to focus thinking on what other people the same age are doing, where and how they are doing it and who they are doing it with.  This typical and ordinary life increases the opportunities for real, genuine connection and relationship building.

The idea of ‘Finding my place’ in life is a deeply personal one and is constantly changing and evolving.  It is grounded in both your identity and a clear idea of what is important to you.  When helping a person with disability to find their place in life this is equally important.  That is, ‘starting with the person’ and setting a vision for a positive future that evolves as they move and grow through life.

In this section you will hear stories of people who are finding their place in their community as well as some ideas that can help get clearer about what this means for people with disability.

Being part of an intimate relationship is perhaps the most vital component of wellbeing.  The relationship doesn’t have to be a romantic one, but closeness and support is the key.

A good close relationship (or many good relationships) with someone you can:

• share your thoughts, secrets, hopes, dreams and fears with;
• who will remind you that you are loved and valued;
• provides a critical resource to defend against life’s challenges.

Those who don’t have this intimate relationship are at much higher risk of the difficulties in life overwhelming them.

There is no denying that income and wellbeing are linked… However, the power of money to affect wellbeing lies in its capacity to alleviate stress and create an environment for happiness. Accordingly, people can achieve normal levels of wellbeing even with low income, so long as they feel in control of how they spend it.

It is imperative for personal wellbeing to be doing something that provides meaning in life. People are happier when they are active, particularly when that activity gives them a sense of purpose or responsibility.

For some this may be:

• their job, but the job has to provide more than just financial security.
• a social activity such as being in the local tennis club or Rotary.
• volunteering as a lifesaver, caring for someone or doing or something as simple as gardening.

Australian Unity Wellbeing Index 2015

The notion that some kind of stable, static and enduring entity called ‘the community’ exists out there for people to slot into is a myth. However, finding ways for people to be known, appreciated and contributing in their local neighbourhoods and networks is an important piece of building a good life. Contributions like this make for a good life for everybody.

Being a spectator is not enough – to gain real value out of your community you need to be actively involved in areas that interest you and to get to know the people you encounter. This opens up the richness of community that comes available through the informal network of relationships.

Concerns are sometimes raised about the dangers present in community, especially for people who have a higher degree of vulnerability, but the risks of marginalisation and isolation are far worse. Being known and valued by your local neighbourhood is some of life’s most protective safeguards. By this we mean people who will invite you over for a cup of tea, check your mail when you’re away or notice when you don’t turn up for a regular engagement.

It is also important to be reciprocal with these things; be a good neighbour, invite people over for a cup of tea and keep an eye out for those around you. For a person with disability some assistance in doing this may be required, but when supported well the benefits of being an active member of the community will still be there for them.

CRUcial Times 51:  What do we mean by Inclusion?

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Making choices about things that matter to you and feeling you have meaningful control over your life are cornerstones of the good life. It offers you the freedom to choose the life you want to live and make decisions about the things that are important to you.

It is important to acknowledge that we all need help making decisions to some degree and that needing assistance to make choices does not mean we are unable to make choices. After all, how many of us do our own taxes or fix our own cars?

Similarly, many people with disability require assistance in making decisions that are in their best interest. This can lead to a belief that others need to make decisions for them and as outlined in the following sections this can lead to some very negative consequences.

For genuine choice and control to exist there must be a belief that everyone has the right to make their own decisions.  It requires an assumption that everyone has the capacity to make those decisions for themselves (this is expressed in Self-Determination theory – see below).   This will ensure that any decisions made not only include the individual with disability, but that they have control in how those decisions are put in to practice.

A starting point for genuine choice and control is the belief that people are motivated to act in their own best interests.  Being able to determine what is important to you and then follow through and persevere to make it happen is central to this.  Self-Determination theory explores this notion and outlines the following three universal psychological needs:

• Autonomy: the urge to be in control of your life and to act in a way that makes sense to you
• Competence: to be in control of outcomes and as a result, to see your skills grow and develop
• Relatedness:  the desire to interact, connect with and care for other people.

The more self-motivated an individual is, the greater the level of self-determination.  The opposite is also true and there is a long history of people with disability not having these needs met.  As outlined in this theory, when these needs are not met then the foundation motivation is lost. 

The resulting lack of motivation often results in these individuals being seen as unable to learn or being labelled as a ‘problem’ when in reality this stems from boredom, feelings of helplessness, lack of belonging or simply not having acquired the necessary skills.  

Self-Determination encourages its own momentum.  Being appreciated and recognised for who you are and what you have to offer the world is a great source of motivation.  This in turn builds our confidence, sense of belonging and self-esteem.  As we recognise our own strengths we develop our autonomy and are motivated to push ourselves further.

This is also closely tied to other people’s expectations of us.

There is a widely held expectation that we, as humans, have the capacity, potential and desire to learn new things.  We do this as we adapt to change, as we adjust our behaviour to new circumstances and as we age.  We learn, we grow and we gain wisdom.

For people with disability the opportunity to learn is often limited by often well-meaning yet risk-averse attitudes.  A lack of choice and control has exacerbated this as people have had to choose from what services have offered rather than what is important to or for them.  This limits expectations and can lead to people with disability being restricted to activities that are neither meaningful, challenging nor rewarding.

This contributes to a self-fulfilling prophecy as they become conditioned to this thinking which further restricts their ability to handle change.  Psychologists call this learned helplessness, which is a person begins to behave in a helpless manner because they feel they have no choice or control over their lives.

This is why, when considering the Good Life, we remember that lifelong learning and growth is vital.  It is equally vital that we remember that everyone, regardless of their impairments, age or perceived capacity has the potential to learn when given the opportunity and to deny them this has serious consequences for their well-being.

The elements discussed in this page all combine to create the Good Life for anyone and everyone.  We share them here as a basis for the ideas discussed in the rest of the website but also as a reminder when considering what is important in your life and in the life of anybody you know with disability.

Why Lifelong Learning is important

Paraphrased from ‘A Brief Introduction to Social Role Valorisation’.
Dr Wolf Wolfensberger